It has been a very long time since a companionship inventory (evaluation and discussion on how things are going for a companionship) is conducted in my life. In fact, I thought I would never have another one till my marriage.
This evening, I had an appointment with S.W. , a companionship inventory in deed. We met after work, at the McDonald’s nearby Nam Vam. I was very nervous, not knowing what to say, and how to conduct it smoothly without harmful feeling.
The purpose of this meeting was to clear out misconceptions, and misunderstanding that have existed in our friendship.
Both of us have sensed that something is wrong between us, but no one dares to voice.
I began by telling her the purpose of our meeting, which is to clear out misconception and harsh feeling, and that I wanted to make this friendship work again.
We exchanged thoughts. S.W. told me that she got tired of talking to me because our opinion never came together. Everything as she expressed herself, I wouldn’t agree with her and I eventually redirect the conversation to something else. This frustrates her a lot.
For me… I also expressed my feeling boldly and directly to her for I truly wanted her to know how I felt and what I thought. I told her a few things she had said and done that hurt me deeply.
She commented that I was a person who expressed herself so directly, and that she could never be like me. For this reason, she is afraid that she can never be a friend that I’ve been expected her to become.
Well… the fact is, I never expect anything from her, or from any of my friends! To me, caring comes natural as we treasure someone or even something. When you cherish someone, you naturally want to be good to that person. But I seldom feel that way from her, and that confuses me a great deal regarding our friendship.
I’m sure we will never be the same after tonight. But I hope we only change to be better, at least… better handlers of any sort of relationship.
